You Are Enough This Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, the anxiety was palpable.

I had planned on writing a variety of posts about anxiety at Christmas, talking about different aspects of the celebration. Unfortunately, since writing the FOOD post I’ve had the flu for two and a half weeks so things haven’t really gone to plan. But I still feel there are a lot of important points I want to make.

Christmas is a very exciting time. Even after 24 years I get excited and I’m sure I will for many years to come. But as is the case with any exciting event, it also comes with a side order of anxiety, and I think the more excitement there is the more anxiety there can be!

FOOD – I talked about this at length in my last blog post so please do give that a read if you think food anxiety is an issue for you at this time. All the indulgence of Christmas can be difficult for those who have fears around food or who tend to feel guilty for allowing themselves to eat freely.

Remember – Christmas is a time to enjoy food, as well as everything else that is fabulous about the season. You should never feel guilty about the food that you eat, and you should absolutely allow yourself the pleasure. Straying from your normal eating habits for a few days is not going to make a big difference to your body, and it will be easier than you think to return back to your routine.

EXERCISE – the freezing cold weather, host of indoor activities and family visits along with an array of classic films on TV don’t really promote very active behaviour around Christmas. For those worried about the amount of food they might be eating, it can be difficult not to offset this with exercise as a means to allow their indulgence. For some, exercise is a way of relieving stress and anxiety anyway, so not being able to take to the treadmill and work through your thoughts can be tough.

Remember – You do not need to do anything to deserve food at Christmas, whether that’s your turkey dinner or 81 mince pies – you deserve food if you want it. Exercise should be seen as independent from food, something that has so many benefits that aren’t about burning calories, something you do when you can and because you want to, not so that you don’t feel guilty about eating more. Not being able to rely on your usual coping mechanisms, however, can be very difficult – even if you can’t keep up your usual exercise why not try to get out for a walk every day. Fresh air and activity will do everyone a bit of good, and if you’re experiencing anxiety, keeping locked in the house all day probably won’t help.

FAMILY TIME – Christmas is a time of togetherness, but for so many people that can be daunting. Facing up to family members and having to give them a recap of your year, which may not have been your best year yet; having to keep up conversation with a lot of people, some of whom you might not actually know all that well; getting all of the intrusive and personal questions about whether you have reached the next milestone of your life – Boyfriend? Engaged? Pregnant? Job? House? – sometimes having to repeat your answers over and over.

Remember – Your value is not determined by which life milestones you have reached yet and what your family think of that. Remember that your life’s timeline is independent of everyone else’s. Your family most likely do not judge you by what you have or haven’t done, and simply ask because they care about you, so try not to feel like there is pressure on you to meet these expectations or that your answers might disappoint someone. If you feel overwhelmed by the amount of family socialising you’re having to do, it is perfectly ok to step out of the room and take some time for yourself. Offer to make the teas and coffees – that’s always a way of just taking a breather (plus gets you bonus points for helpfulness!)

GIFT GIVING – We’re all aware of the commercialism of Christmas and how much of a consumer holiday it is. It seems that the pressure grows greater and greater each year to have the best items and buy the best presents, but for people who maybe don’t have as much money it can be really difficult to face those pressures and say ‘no’ to going overboard. At Christmas, everything seems to be done to an absolute maximum, but sometimes that’s just not doable. And it can be hard to see those around you having a more luxurious, fancy Christmas with more presents, a bigger tree and a spread of food that resembles a Hogwarts banquet.

Remember – Your value and worth is not determined by what you can or can’t afford. What other people can and can’t afford is their business, and there is no joy in comparison. Remember that social media is just how someone wants to portray their life, not necessarily how it really is – you only see the highlights reel! The true joy of Christmas is found in spending quality time with the people you love, laughing until you cry, having arguments over board games and snuggling up together to watch a film – the best things about Christmas are free.

And I know there are so many other aspects of the season that can provoke anxiety – excess travelling, receiving presents, taking time away from work, the pressure of entertaining and making sure your guests are happy, being a guest in someone else’s house. While Christmas is a magical time it really is a whole host of scenarios that can be difficult for those with anxiety.

What I realise when I line all those problems up, though, is that they are generally about self-worth. They are about not feeling good enough, because you’re not living up to expectations you feel others have or that you have of yourself. And I think it is such a shame that these pressures we put on ourselves can get in the way of enjoying Christmas, of all things!

It’s so much easier said than done to just relax and have fun, and if you do struggle with anxiety you’ll know that being aware of it can sometimes make it worse, but then you just worry about your anxiety as well!

What I really hope you get this Christmas, even if it’s just a glimpse, is the feeling that you’re enough. That you feel a sense of love around you that reminds you that you don’t need to be anyone but yourself. That you don’t confuse superficial things with the things that really matter. That you take time to remember the true meaning of Christmas, whatever that might be for you. And that you can just ENJOY it. Because you ARE enough. Merry Christmas!

You are enough this Christmas.