Yesterday I had one of the worst runs I’ve had since I can remember. This evening, I’ve had one of the best.
Before Christmas I was struck down (almost literally) with the flu and the most disgusting cough for three weeks. It knocked me for six, and as you’d expect I couldn’t run for the entirety. By the end it’s safe to say I was getting pretty restless.
After Christmas my flu finally started to clear and I went for a run. It was tough, but I’d prepared myself for that. The next day…another run, and it still felt tough. A couple of days later I went for another run, and I ran a little further but still found it hard and for most of it felt like I was going to die. Maybe this recovery was going to take longer than I thought? I did a couple of gym classes, a couple more runs, and on Sunday I headed out for my long run. I’d planned 8 miles and thought I’d feel fine - that sort of distance wouldn’t usually be an issue for me.
But it really was one of my worst ever runs. A multitude of things made it so, including not leaving enough time for my breakfast to digest and having to carry my car keys in my sports bra… from the beginning I knew it was a bad one.
I’d planned my route badly so half way through had to improvise and that’s when all hope of motivation was lost. By this point I was bargaining with myself to make it to the next lamppost, stopping wherever and whenever I felt like it, and all the while being so hard on myself, telling myself how rubbish a runner I was and that it shouldn’t take this long to recover from the flu.
I’m not that much of a panic-er, but when it comes to running I seem to panic prematurely. A slight niggle in my knee, and bad track session, and suddenly I’m worrying that I’ll never run again. So after this awful run I was basically telling myself that I should find a new hobby, or at least start adjusting my expectations for my running goals this year.
Then tonight, seemingly out of nowhere I had a fantastic run. One that felt amazing! I wasn’t running particularly fast, but certainly faster than I have been for the past week. I felt like I had bundles of energy and enthusiasm and I wasn’t preoccupied with my breathing, how my legs were feeling, how long I had left to run. I was just running, and it felt great!
As I became aware of how great I felt, after about 3 miles, I thought “Wow, I’ve gone back to normal overnight!” The logic being that yesterday was rubbish and today was amazing, so clearly I’ve had some sort of miraculous overnight transformation. We humans are very good at that sort of conclusive thinking!
But then I reminded myself that I’ve been struggling for a week, and that every run I’ve struggled with was building my strength, speed and stamina back up. Every time I stopped because I was completely out of breath, it was because I’d been pushing myself to my limit. Every hill I felt I was crawling up was a hill closer to getting back to normal. And moreover, I was forgetting the strong foundation I’d built before I had the flu which really took over a year of consistent hard work to get to!
It made me think about how impatient we can be for success. At this time of year when we’re all making (and breaking, oops) resolutions it’s easy to want overnight change. Whether that’s to lose weight, get fit, quit a habit, or take on a new skill or hobby, it’s in our nature to want things to come easily to us. We have this image of what it will be like when we’ve achieved whatever goal, and so we’d rather just skip to that part rather than endure all of the hard work that gets us there! And this isn’t a put-down to anyone who feels this way, because it’s totally normal. We all want a clean house but who the heck actually enjoys cleaning it?!
But what we need to remember is that the overnight success we dream of doesn’t exist. We might think that we see it in other people, looking at other’s achievements or attributes and wondering how it was so easy for them? You may even look back on your own achievements as an overnight miracle, and wonder why you don’t find everything that easy! But don’t forget all of the hard work that led to that success… I can’t forget all of those rubbish runs before the great one.
As well as looking ahead towards the rest of 2019, making plans and setting goals, look back at what you’ve already achieved. Look at where you are now and remember that it didn’t come overnight. Whether it’s your job, a skill or hobby you’ve taken up, the fact you’ve taken on healthier habits, grown in self-confidence, the fact you’re an amazing and caring parent, sibling or friend, the person you are today is something you’ve been working on your whole life and it’s a tribute to your ability to master something. Being you.
I know that I need to remind myself of how far I have come with my running, and that a few bad runs don’t mean it’s all over. Whatever goals I have for this year won’t come easy and I know that if it gets hard I shouldn’t put myself down, but remember this… there’s no such thing as overnight success!
